Cinco de Mayo is quickly approaching, and nobody is partying?!

Next Tuesday marks another Cinco de Mayo, the Mexican drinking holiday, which marks the invention of Dos Equis or Corona or some damn thing, I don't really care to be honest, I just know that it is another excuse for us crazy Americans to drink. Every local Mexican restaurant will be filled with raucous revelers looking to pour down tequila shots and as much shitty Mexican beer as possible. This will also be the first year in the last 3 that nobody is hosting a party, at least that I have been invited to. Perhaps I have been taken off the cool kids list, that certainly wouldn't surprise me. Guess I will just have to go with wifey to Margaritas and kick back a few drinks as we begin our vacation!

Streaking straight to a heart attack...

Well, the Red Sox winning streak ended last night at 11 games, losing 9-8 to the Cleveland Indians on an error in the bottom of the 9th. Horrible way to end it, but they didn't deserve it last night, with sloppy defense and suspect pitching from starter Brad Penny. One thing that has developed early in the season is my growing man crush on Jason Bay, left fielder for the Sox. The guy is good! Solid defense in the field, and clutch at the plate, what a great pickup he has been!

Speaking of streaking, the Celtics and Bulls played another OT game in their playoff series, with the Celtics squeaking it out thanks to some clutch shooting by Paul Pierce. This series is causing me to potentially have another man crush in Rajon Rondo. This kid is amazing! He is averaging a triple double this series, which is unheard of. He is just playing great!!

I'm thinking that all this has caused me to have heart problems as I woke up this morning out of a dead sleep clutching my chest, unable to breathe a full breath. It was a smidge scary, but passed fairly quickly and all is good. I'm pretty sure I just needed to rip some farts. Whatever the case, all is good now!

Look at that, two in one day!

Just spent the last 10 minutes down on my hands and knees cleaning up doggie piss, that is always fun! Yawkey, in his typical fashion, gets all excited around other dogs and forgets to control his bowels. He ran around here spraying like a god damn fire hose until I snapped the leash on him and brought him outside where he continued to piss enough to fill a Heineken mini keg! Once I got the urine all cleaned up I sit back down only to find the sweet smell of shit climbing up my nostrils. Smelled as if the pup just pooped directly into my nose, but his farts usually smell horrible, so no real concern. However, as more and more time went by the smell was still hovering in the office. I decide, for some reason, to check around the office to make sure he didn't shit and what to my wondering eyes did appear, but a big pile of shit, courtesy of my jerkwad of a dog! Needless to say, this may have been his final trip to the office, I don't enjoy spending my day cleaning up after him!

When in doubt, listen to 80's music...

It's that exciting time of year again. The birds are singing, the sun is out, and temps are expected to be in the mid to upper 80's in Greater Portland. We brought our gloves, bats and softball to play around at the playground after work with Kerrigan. It is so great to be able to get outside and play around in the fresh air!

Warm weather always gets me in the mood for listening to music a little louder than normal in the car. I usually enjoy some Jack Johnson or G. Love, maybe toss in a little Sublime or Bob Marley, but always OAR and 90's cheesey rap. However, some fine 80's tunes have to be strongly considered as well. I'm on a big 80's kick right now, and find that they are great songs to rock out to while you fly down the highway with your windows or sunroof open. Milli Vanilli, George Michael, Michael Jackson, Poison, Journey, take your pick, they are all great in my opinion!

Extreme Home Makeover, Basement Edition

So I finally paid some attention to our basement over the weekend. My man cave had gotten pretty nasty looking over the winter, with very little attention being paid to it. With the weather warming up, and party season quickly approaching, I had to get back down there and clean it all up. This was no easy task, as we have a lot of stuff down there! Well, I rearranged a few things, added more beer and sports paraphernalia and gave it a general face lift, and let me tell you something, I really like it down there. It's nice to have it back, all we need now is a party!

Speaking of parties, we are in full planning mode now for my big 30th bday party next month. We have secured one band and I am working on lining up a second. We plan on having at least a couple of kegs, maybe 3. A trip to NH for booze is on the agenda one of these days (along with Red Hook, damn I love that place). Solo cups have been purchased for pong, beirut or flip cup, whatever your drinking game desire is. I'm hoping we see you all there!

Stuck at home, without a lady or luck by my side...

Most of you know that Nichole is out seeing the sights and sounds of the "greatest city in the world" with her girlfriends this weekend, while yours truly holds down the fort back at Chateau Marcole. Well, I decided I would run into Auburn for a couple of ice cold Dos Equis last night. I needed to get out of the house for a bit, was going a bit stir crazy. Well, didn't work out quite like I had hoped. Stopped at the local gas station, and wouldn't you know it, the damn Jetta wouldn't start again. So here I sit, no car, dreaming about what life is like outside of these four walls. I don't have the scratch to repair whatever the f*ck is wrong with my lemon, as we are going to Las Vegas in a week and a half, so I am debating on what to do with it. I probably can't leave it at the gas station, even though it is out of the way. I could get it towed here, and try to get someone to come here to check it out, in hopes that it is something minor. I could have it towed to a garage, and just leave it there until we can afford to get it fixed. I just don't know what to do about the damn thing. It has been running fine, and it just wouldn't start after I put gas into it. Battery works fine, everything lights right up, but not even as much as a sound with the engine. Anyone looking for a Jetta?!

Weather looks nice, think I'll get my new garden cart put together and start some yard work here. I need to finish working in the basement, as it is looking much better already. I still have a laundry list of things I want to get done in the next month around here. Supposed to be a gorgeous weekend, so I will most likely be outdoors getting shit done, should be great! Oh, and if anyone is bored, come visit Kerrigan and I, we won't be going to far with no car!

Road trippin' and coffee sippin'

Saw Nichole and the ladies off to NYC this morning. They have left me home alone for the evening, and then with little miss Kerrigan for the weekend. Sounds like it is supposed to be in the 70's all weekend, which is freakin' sweet! Now to figure out something fun to do outdoors. Most things aren't open yet, as the ground is still pretty wet. I would love to go play mini golf or hit up some batting cages or a driving range, just not sure I can find one open.

So I'm sitting here at my desk, sipping on a coffee, thinking about what to do next. I have a ton of work to do in the basement to prep it for my big 30th birthday party next month. I could also run to the beer supply store and get me some ingredients for my next batch. I don't have soccer until later, then I'm not sure what is going on after. I'm thinking I will grab a couple of beers then try to get a decent nights sleep for a long day at RG tomorrow. If anyone is looking for something to do later, give me a shout, I'm down for whatever!

I need help with a couple of things...

Went to the circus last night, and walked away scratching my head. I've been many times before, but never really thought about it. What inspires a person to want to be a circus performer? Is there a circus school one must go to in order to fine tune tight rope walking, or juggling fire? Is there a minor league circus circuit where you work your way up to the big top? How does one become the Ring Master? Is he the person who graduates clown college with the highest GPA? Is it the sweet outfits, all shiny and full of sequins? Maybe it is all the trailer time between shows, where they all get freaky with each other?! I just don't understand, and if anyone has any insight, I would love to hear about it.

In a completely unrelated news story, Yawkey dropped a human sized steam pile on the floor last night while we were at the circus. I guess he heard that the elephants were not going to be there last night and wanted us to get our share of shit smell in the air. Well, he succeeded! I let him out before we left, but princess must have been too scared of the rain, and didn't drop stink in the back yard. Thanks buddy!

Looking ahead, as well as having flashbacks...

Big Vegas trip in two weeks, can't freakin' wait! I would say I really need a vacation, but those of you who are actually working full time might think I'm a jerk. Truth is, I need to get away, clear my head, and start over. This whole process has really messed with my head. I've got resumes at nearly every business south of the traffic circle near the State House, and I have heard back from about three people, all of which told me the same thing, while you have excellent skills, they just don't fit what we are looking for. Now, I would like to point out that a couple of these jobs were essentially secretarial type positions. Have I really sunk that low, that I can't even get a damn front desk position?! Anyways, this is why I am looking forward to taking a vacation. Get out of Maine for a few days, clear my head, have a good time, and come back refreshed, ready to rock and roll. I need to build my confidence back up and get back on my feet.

Tonight is the circus with the family. Should be a fun time, at least for Kerrigan. She has already been this year, but is really looking forward to going again. She, for some reason, is convinced that I am scared of the clowns. I'm not sure why she has that impression, although I am a bit freaked out by the Anah Temple Shriners, so that might be what she is referring to. I mean seriously, with those pointy shoes, jewels in their belly buttons and the creepy tans, why wouldn't you be a little freaked out by them? At any rate, the circus, minus the distinct smell of elephunk, is always a good time, makes you feel like a kid again.

My favorite stuffed animal is Kitty Costs-A-Lot

Tyson, our "nice" cat, has been a regular at the Gray/New Gloucester Vet recently, spending a night last week, and making a return trip again this morning. He has also made friends with the fine vets at the Lewiston Emergency Animal Hospital. He has some sort of penile blockage, making it nearly impossible for him to urine, which in turn caused a urinary tract infection. He has been downright miserable, and isn't exactly loving life right now. He has a catheter in, is hooked up to an IV, oh, and how could I forget, the little cone on his head, which he is REALLY hating! Not sure why, but the 7 year old in me thinks the cone is hilarious, especially when he does his best Mike Tyson impersonation trying to knock it off his head. We know have to change his food for life, hide the other cat and dog food dishes, and keep a close eye on him for a while. The best part of it all is the cost! None of this is very cheap, and depending on how things go, it may cost much more. If things don't turn out the way they should, he may turn into a she, which I have to assume isn't cheap! It will validate all my jokes about him, as he is such a little wussy cat, but I hope we don't have to go down that road, but for his sake, as well as our checking accounts!

It's Time To Get OUTSIDE!!

Sun is out, birds are chirping, and I don't think we have a drop of snow left in our yard... That can only mean one thing... Time to get outside and get this place looking good for summer! I have big plans for this place this year, seeing that I have a little more time on my hands compared to last summer, what with the wedding and a full time job and all.

First and foremost, I need to get the lawn green again. Especially the spot in front of the house that I had to dig up during the winter (long story, just note that it involves clogged pipes and poop). With that done, I need to install some gutters, at least above doorways, as we have some frames rotting due to the dripping of rain. I would like to do a patio on the front side of the house, right as you walk out of the basement. 6x8, something small, but big enough for a few chairs and the fire pit. Want to grow some hops and grapes in our front garden this year, would love to be able to use each at some point to make beer and wine. Would also like to do tomatoes and jalapenos, if not a few other vegetables. I want to replace the crushed stone in front of the main steps with brick. Those little white rocks drive me insane! I need to also transfer some big rocks from the woods to various spots on the front side of the house to fill in some holes.

Needless to say, I'm going to be pretty busy this summer with projects. Oh, I also failed to mention the canoe that I am restoring. I need to get that done in time for the Saco River trip. I better get to work! If you need me, you will find me outdoors, enjoying the sun, and getting stuff done!

I don't care what anyone says, I love Fenway Park!

Ah, summer. It's coming, I swear! And what is better in the summer than grabbing a beer, brat and checking out the Boston Red Sox at Fenway Park? I think nothing, at least, I thought nothing. I have learned that not only is the Dave Matthews Band playing at Fenway in late May, but so too is PHISH, and all in the same weekend! Now Nichole and I were already hoping to secure some DMB tickets, but now I'm thinking maybe Phish instead?! I just don't know, maybe I will sell some plasma or something so we can go to both! I put in my ticket request yesterday, so hopefully I will catch a streak of luck and be able to purchase a pair. If not, craigslist here I come. Now if we could only get some Sox tickets for the Mets series just before the music starts up, that will be one hell of a week in Boston!

The run finally came to an end...

Last night, the Urban Achievers found themselves in the Final Four of the Bowl Portland league playoffs. We rolled through most of the season fairly easily, beating up on most everyone we matched up with. Well, we met our match last night. Our first game was strong, jumping out to a 4-1 lead, then dropped our final 10 points, losing the game 11-4, and therefore bowing out of the playoffs, just before the championship match. Probably better off, seeing that the eventual champ, Bingas Ringas were kicking ass last night. Better to lose early then to be embarassed by the team with the rather large cheering section. It would have been humiliating. Instead, we enjoyed a couple of rounds of shots, worked on a few things in a practice round, and hit the showers early. Sad to see my Tuesday night routine come to an end, but will be sure to get lots of practice in between now and next January for the next season.

I really hate New Jersey...

As most of you know, Nichole and I drove to DC last Thursday night, but not until we put in a full day of work, packed a UHaul, dropped Yawkey off at the Doggie Cottage, took part in a fantasy baseball draft and played a soccer game. We finally left Portland at about 11:00 PM, and started down the highway for Vienna, VA, just the other side of Washington DC. This is typically about a 9-10 hour drive, and we figured doing the night shift would help us avoid traffic as we went through places such as NYC and Baltimore. However, nothing works out as planned it seems.

Got off to a great start, cutting through the fog. We made a couple of stops along the way to stock up on coffee, water and Red Bulls, as we intended to make the entire trip in the upright position, not hunched over sleeping. We watched a few movies, listened to some tunes, and laughed most of the way down. Then came Jersey...

Somehow, somewhere along the way, there was a turnoff to continue heading south on 95, but we both missed the sign. I had a feeling something wasn't right, and finally we pulled over to get gas and squirt, and when I asked the gas attendant where 95 was, he led us down a couple of roads, nearly 40 miles in total, back to the correct route. Shortly after all this, my voice started to squeak a bit, and then left me completely. Not sure what the heck happened, but I've sounded like a truck driver and a young lad hitting puberty. Either way, it has not been fun, and has given me another reason to hate New Jersey, as it is totally Jersey's fault!

Once back on the right path, we continued our way down the east coast, traveling through Deleware (for about 20 minutes) and into Maryland, where is started to rain extremely hard. Traffic moved slowly up to Baltimore, as knuckleheads didn't know how to drive in rain, and there was a lot of construction. Baltimore on to Vienna was a smooth ride, hitting traffic, but never slowing down too much, which was great. Rolled into Brandon's place around 11:00 AM, making it a twelve hour trip. Took much longer than expected, but was a great trip, and had an absolute blast driving down with Nichole, who I still can't believe she stayed awake the entire trip!

Doing it, doing it and doing it well...

Truth be told, that horrible song by L.L. Cool J is playing on Pandora as I type this, so sorry for such a horrible title, but it fits, read on...

The Urban Achievers, our upstart bowling team in the Bowl Portland league, cruised to a big playoff win last night against the German douche bag Uli and his pack of fools. This dude did a ton of smack talking leading up to the game, and did his fair share during the match, despite the fact that we rolled (yes, pun intended) to a fairly lopsided 10-5 win.

As usual, we started out very slow, dropping the game 1-4. In true UA fashion, we came back strong in game 2, winning 5-0, then cruised in the third game 4-1, sending Die Gassenjungen (which I think is German for "I'm a jerk wad and should be set on fire") home for the season. The Elite 8 is Friday night, and the Achievers will continue to knock down the competition on our way to the championship.

Now, I have gotten a lot of crap from all sorts of people for being in a bowling league. That is for old people with fat asses and pants that are too short. I invite you all to come check it out, as it ain't your typical bowling league. We are more of a drinking league with bowling as the excuse. Shots are flowing, pitchers are emptying and big black spinning tunes. There are about 25 teams, all with witty team names and even better individual names. Each team has their own uniform, and the Bowl Portland website is as entertaining as it gets. I would strongly recommend you come down to Yankee Lanes on Friday evening to check it all out. Oh, and if you do, please keep me posted on the score, I will be in DC, unable to attend the game.