I have a poop mouth, but I'm not running for Governor...

I'm not going to play that whole holier than though crap, I won't do it. I have what I would call a poop mouth. I curse like a trucker, I'm not going to lie about it. If I had to put a quarter in a swear jar after each time I tossed out a bad word, I'd be adding about $15.00 a week I bet. That being said, it doesn't really matter how much I swear, I'm not running for Governor. Which reminds me, there is one guy running for Governor in Maine, and he may swear more than me, and, to me, that is kind of a big deal.

Paul LePage ran away from home at the age of 11 and lived on the streets of Lewiston. He worked a variety of odd jobs, basically taking care of himself. He later went to Husson College, graduating with a B.S. in Business Administration and later earned an MBA from the University of Maine. He is currently the Mayor of Waterville and the General Manager of Marden's, a surplus and salvage store with 14 locations in Maine. Now add to that running for Governor of Maine. While he started out as a street kid, he is far from those days today. However, he still considers himself a street kid, and has the mouth of one to boot. It all started a few weeks back when LePage got annoyed by a question that was asked of him by a reporter at a press conference. "Let's stop the bullshit" was the first hit song on his greatest hits album, coming out in November. Now, despite an actual video of the exchange, he later told Howie Carr it never happened. Oh, a liar and a poop mouth artist!

His second single from the previously mentioned greatest hits album came out on Sunday. While speaking to a group of lobstermen in Mid Coast Maine, he said that "you're going to see a lot of me on the front page saying "Governor LePage tells Obama to go to hell.". Now, spin that any way you want to, but he clearly said he plans on telling President Obama to go to hell. Oh good! I don't want to hear about how citizens said that and worse about President Bush, you are comparing apples to oranges. For me to say that about President Bush is one thing. For someone running for public office, it's a different animal all together. If you don't have respect for the man, fine, but have respect for the position, regardless of who it is. Or, here's a crazy thought, just keep that thought to yourself.

The newest single to come out is brand new, and another good one! While speaking to Jennifer Rooks on Maine Watch, Jennifer informs LePage that there are a couple of radio reporters that want to speak with him after she is done and he says that he doesn't want to talk to them. After hearing who they are, he proceeds to say that he "is about ready to punch A.J. Higgins". Now, he may have been joking, maybe not. I'm not sure. He is grinning, but that could mean many things. Either way, as a gubernatorial candidate, don't say you are about ready to punch anybody, even if you are joking!

Now, perhaps it's obvious I am not a fan of LePage at this point. If it wasn't obvious, let me be the first to tell you, I'm NOT A FAN of Paul LePage. I think he would make Maine the butt of many jokes on The Daily Show or Letterman with his repeated outbursts and poorly worded comments. I realize that many Mainers are upset with the way things have been going on in Augusta, hell, I'm mad. Spending has been out of control. Taxes are high. It's next to impossible to start a business here with the high energy and health care costs. I completely understand why people are mad, but that doesn't mean we need a poop mouth blowhard. There isn't a snowballs chance in hell he could bring both Democrats and Republicans together to work on anything. That is the biggest issue for me here. In this political climate, there is a lot of hate for the other side going on. We need to put that shit behind us and work together if we want to make Maine the way life should be. I'm just saying...

And the winner is...

TEAM MARCOLE! What did we win you ask? Well, let me tell you what we won. Nothing. Not yet at least. See, there is a big Polish Horseshoe tournament at Camp McCullough each fall. We were unable to make it last year due to a scheduling conflict. This work out well for Team McCullough, as they were able to win the first annual tourney. This year we had high hopes of going up to show the "competition" exactly how to play. However, as luck would have it, the organizers decided to schedule it on a weekend we were unable to attend once again. Now, I'm not saying that people need to schedule things around our busy lives, but something tells me they did this on purpose. Hey, if Team Marcole isn't there, everyone else has a chance to win. Otherwise, it's a forgone conclusion who the winner is.

Now, some of you may be asking what Polish Horseshoes is in the first place. It is, quite possibly, the best outdoor drinking game around right now. Let me explain. Take two stakes, or ski poles, and place them about 20 feet apart. Place and empty beer, or soda for you non drinkers, bottle on top of the stakes. Using teams of two on each side, toss a Frisbee at the opposing stake and bottle. You are trying to knock the bottle down, either by hitting it directly or by hitting the stake. The team on defense must be holding a bottle in one hand at all times, and is trying to keep the bottle from hitting the ground, as well as the Frisbee. Hitting the bottle directly and knocking it to the ground awards you 2 points, hitting the stake and knocking the bottle to the ground awards you 1 point. If you miss the Frisbee, the team throwing the Frisbee earns 1 point as well. Keep in mind, all this must be done with a beverage in your hand. Now, it doesn't need to one of the alcoholic variety, but to make it a drinking game, it probably should be! When do you drink you ask? Simple, you take a drink for each point the other team gets. The longer you play, the more interesting it gets.

Now, back to the tournament. Like I said, I'm pretty sure it was specifically chosen for this weekend to keep Nichole and I out. I smell fear in the opponents, and this keeps them safe, if only for one more year. Nichole and I are foaming at the mouth at the idea of taking everyone down. We are going to start a run, much like the UCLA Bruins men's basketball team of the late 60's and early 70's, or my beloved Boston Celtics back in the late 50's and late 60's. Practice up guys, we are coming for you next year! I'm just saying...

It's time for people to start caring, and to wear pants...

Sunday was the day for the statewide Coastal Cleanup. As many of you know, Nichole and I have been volunteering for the Eliot Cutler campaign, and through the campaign we signed up to take part in Coastal Cleanup Day. Our area was determined to be Back Cove in Portland, which worked out perfectly considering we had a soccer game right there a little later in the morning. We arrive as everyone is dispersing to their respective area around Back Cove, collect our trash bags and rubber gloves and dig right in.

Now, I've done this sort of thing before, and no, it wasn't for mandatory community service or because I was wearing a jump suit. Back in high school I did this fairly regularly with different organizations in town. This time was a little different than the others. Kerrigan was with us, which was a good experience for her, although, she used it mostly as a chance to collect some shells, cool rocks and de-leg some dead crabs she found. It was a bit of an eye opener for Nichole and I as well. I learned a few things about people by picking up trash and other items...

People have no problem throwing their trash out their car window!

People eat a lot of Little Debbie snacks!

A ton of people actually smoke on Back Bay?!

I can't tell you how many snack wrappers we found, it was crazy! The most popular Little Debbie snack appears to be Star Crunch, surprisingly enough. I didn't see that coming, but according to what y'all toss out your window or sneakily snack on as you walk Back Cove, it's very true. There were also a ton of Hannaford and CVS receipts. The former made sense, being right there, but the latter surprised me a little, based on how far away it is. Speaking of Hannaford, we also found a good number of the Great Grocery Giveaway scratch tickets they handed out this summer. You know what I'm talking about, those little scratch ticket like thingamabobs that were impossible to win on. I kid you not, we scratched off 50 one days and one $1. One freaking dollar!

Some other things I found were two hypodermic needles. Now, I'm going to assume they were for insulin purposes, not for something else, but I wish those using them could find a better place for them. I'm not sure tossing them onto the ground is the best answer. We found a couple of, what appeared to be, used condoms. Now, let me tell you something, it was every bit as gross as you would imagine. I'm not sure if they were, in fact, used, but they were rolled out and stuck to rocks, which was just awesome. Note to the person having sex on the Back Cove, please don't. I mean, good job wrapping it up, but could you not go to your apartment, or even stay in your car? I don't want to have to pick up your dried up swimmers again, not cool! Now, maybe it was the same people, but I also found 3 pairs of pants, a shirt and a pair of socks, right nearby. Perhaps they are all connected, perhaps not. Either way, who loses their pants? To the people or person who went streaking at Back Cove, I found your missing clothes.

Like I said, this was an eye opening experience. I was surprised at the amount of trash, and what made it up. For an area that is known for it's running trails and soccer field, it was shocking to find that many snack wrappers and ciggy butts. People need to be more aware of where they are putting their garbage. I would be more than happy to take part in this great event every year, but I would love it if this sort of event wasn't necessary. Please, just take a second to toss things into a garbage can, or keep a bag in your car to put trash in, it's pretty easy. Oh, and to the kind person who didn't clean up your dog's shit, thanks, as if my shoes didn't smell bad enough already! I'm just saying...

In this case, 5 is equal to 1...

You may read the title of this post and think to yourself, wait, what?! Fair enough, I expect that. In fact, I figure it is odd enough to get you to start reading down through to figure out how someone who counts beans for a living can say 5 is equal to 1. Hear me out, it will all come together soon enough...

We are six short weeks away from determining who the next Governor of our great state will be. There will be 5 names showing up on every ballot this year, Paul LePage (R), Elizabeth "Libby" Mitchell (D), Eliot Cutler (I), Kevin Scott (I) and Shawn Moody (I). All five of these individuals have been traversing the state in an effort to get their face and name in front of everyone in hopes of being elected in November. In a normal election year, things would be heating up right about now, as we have election day within our sites. This isn't a normal year though. There is a lot at stake in Maine. We are facing record budget deficits, continued high unemployment and high tax levels. We are having a difficult time encouraging new business and our education system needs attention. Our roads are some of the worst in the country, and there is a major disconnect between southern and northern Maine. Let's be honest, the next Governor has his/her hands full, to say the least.

I'm a registered Democrat, and typically follow party lines. I say typically because there are times when I think another candidate makes more sense, other than one in my own party. Libby Mitchell, the Democrat in the race for the Blaine House is a life long politician. She has a ton of political experience to draw from, and surely has the skills necessary to do the job. However, she has been in a position of power for a long time, and during that time we have seen too much go wrong in Augusta. I fear a vote for Mitchell is a vote for four more years of the same thing we have already seen. On the other side of the aisle is Paul LePage. His story is nice, having come from nothing and turned things around. That's pretty much where the story ends for me. I think LePage would be like going from one extreme to the other, and I'm not sure his temperament or his radical Tea Party desires are a good thing for Maine either. Shawn Moody is a hard working businessman. However, running the state of Maine is much different than owning and operating auto body shops. I think this would be way too much of a pill for him to swallow. Kevin Scott might be a great option, but he doesn't stand a chance, so it's really a wasted vote.

That brings us to Eliot Cutler. I've been intrigued by Mr. Cutler from early on. He has a great mix of political and professional experience. His core values are very much in line with mine, and he has put forth a great plan for getting Maine back on track. He takes a hard stance on some tough issues, like education and welfare reform, but they are a couple of big ticket items that need to be worked on. I've been fortunate enough to meet Eliot and many of the great people that are working behind the scenes for him. Nichole and I have even done some volunteering for his campaign, hoping to spread the word about who we believe is the best person in the race. I urge you, regardless of what party you are a part of, to check out Eliot's website. It is a great way to find out more about his vision and plans.

The next 10 years are critical to the state of Maine, and making the right choice for governor is a vitally important first step. I urge everyone to do their homework, get out and meet the candidates, ask questions and get involved. Let's work together to make Maine the way life should be. I'm just saying...

Are you gaga for Gaga?

Lady Gaga is apparently hanging out in Portland today, headlining a rally at Deering Oaks Park regarding the repealing of Don't Ask Don't Tell. Democrats are working to repeal DADT, while John McCain and his fellow Republicans are working to keep it on the books by threatening a filibuster. Maine Senators Olympia Snowe and Susan Collins are seen as extremely important votes for the Democrats, so Lady Gaga is hoping to influence them by appearing in Portland today. What sort of crowd will show up? Will the park be full of tweens and screaming young girls that love "Poker Face" or "Alejandro", or will supporters of this cause be on hand to help encourage Snowe and Collins? Should be an interesting afternoon in Deering Oaks park.

Now, on the subject of Don't Ask Don't Tell, I read the article in the Portland Press Herald regarding Lady Gaga coming to town. Basic story, giving some information that would be helpful to the reader. Then, as usual, I scroll down to read the comments and BLAM! It appears that gay bashing is still alive and well in Maine, oh good. What the hell is wrong with people. If a perfectly able bodied gay man or woman wants to serve in the military, why should anybody stop them? In the year 2010, we should not be arguing about such things, it should not even be a story. If someone is willing to die for their country, why does it matter what color their skin is, what their sexual preference is or what church they go to? It does not matter, plain and simple. I'm just saying...

Hey everybody, come join the party!

Are you getting tired of the squabbling between Republicans and Democrats? Do you, like me, think that the Tea Party gang are a bunch of loons? Would you like to see things different in Washington? Well have I got something for you. Come join me and my newly created Keg Party! We aren't going to make signs comparing Obama to Hitler, that is just dumb. We aren't going to have rallies led by Glenn Beck asking to restore religion, that is something that should be left to each individual to decide. We aren't going to deny everything that isn't our idea, and when we say we are speaking for the majority, we will actually talk TO the majority of people, not just talk FOR them.

So, why is it called the Keg Party you ask. Simple. We will be meeting in pubs, pool halls and at parties. We will be hanging out with common, everyday American citizens across this fine country. No more town halls or rolling rallies. I want us to come together for a common goal, in our favorite environment, enjoying our favorite past time, drinking beer. I understand that there is a fundamental difference in views between Republicans and Democrats, but there is something we can all agree on, and that is moving this country forward to becoming the powerhouse it should be. We want jobs for everyone, health insurance that is affordable, housing that won't break us and a good future for our children. It doesn't matter what side of the political spectrum you are on, these are basic desires by all. Granted, most people see different ways of getting there, but we at the Keg Party will work with all Americans to figure out how to make this possible.

We will be meeting every day, at happy hour, at your local watering hole. You don't need to bring signs or wear goofy Statue of Liberty costumes. We are all patriotic, we all believe the United States of America to be the greatest country in the land, or we wouldn't be here. You don't need to bring a megaphone, we won't be burning copies of any holy book, and we want nothing to do with Sarah Palin. What we will be doing is drinking beer, be it good or bad beer, and discussing, civilly, the best way to move forward, as a cohesive unit. If you want to wear one of those funny beer helmets, that will be acceptable. Shots of Jaeger can be consumed at the bartender's discretion.

The Keg Party concept will be sweeping the nation quickly, so now is the time to get on board. Be one of the founding members of this great organization. I look forward to seeing you all out, drinking beer, making friends and having a good time. Remember, it's important to keep in mind that we are a peaceful, fun loving group. We don't want radical lunatics like Glenn Beck in our midst, so if someone gets boisterous, feel free to toss them out on their ass, they are unwanted. The Keg Party will drink beer, work together, and make this nation the best damn place in the world. I'm just saying...

So much catching up to do, where do I even begin?!

I spent much of last weekend thinking about where I would go with the blog come Monday morning. I mean, I just finished up a week and a half of vacation, and the stories, they are a plentiful. I went to a wedding in Fort Kent on Saturday, followed by another wedding in Old Orchard Beach on Sunday. I spent a couple of nights with old friends in a house that was clearly stuck in 1972, drinking until long after bed time. I partied on the pier in OOB with a wide array of people looking on like we were crazy, what with our wedding attire on still. I spent several days in the quiet, picturesque woods at camp, getting away from everything. I heard what may be the worst best man speech ever, lasting a painful 25 minutes, where the culprit picked on both the bride and groom and made EVERYONE in the room a little uncomfortable. Our softball team came up just short in the championship game, and our soccer team won its first game, all with me playing goalie. Like I said, I have so much I could talk about, but I'm taking this in a different direction...

It's the end of an era. The Jetta and I have a long and checkered past. I bought it back in 2001 with a mere 3,000 miles on it. It was the car I always wanted. Being a raging hippy at the time, a VW was tops on my list. Because it was technically used, I got it for just a couple thousand more than anyone in their right mind would have ever spent on it. The car was great, heated leather seats, a moon roof, 6 disk cd changer, and enough pep to cruise past most other cars. I was wicked stoked to drive her off the lot. Quickly though, I started to second guess myself...

I don't think I had the car for a month yet and realized I never got a spare key. For anyone with one of those fancy new fangled cars, you know, the ones that have keys that need to be programmed, they don't come free, and they are far from cheap. After dickering with the dealer for a bit on how much it would cost me for a spare key, I paid above retail for a new pair of keys that they didn't take the damn time to program for me. I might not have ever known this if it weren't for a drunken night out on the town of Presque Isle where I was convinced I lost my keys. Turns out they were jammed in an ex's purse for a few days, just long enough for me to have to sell a kidney and have a bottle drive to raise the necessary funds for a new key. One late night I had a hankering for a hot chocolate and a Little Debbie Fudge Round so I headed down to the local 24-hour Irving in the middle of a wicked cold snap up in friendly Fort Fairfield. When I went to get back into the Jetta from a quick stop into the local ATM, the car wouldn't start. Because the dealer didn't program the key, it killed the computer, leaving my car useless, on Main Street in the middle of the night. AWESOME!

Living in Fort Fairfield was not convenient when the car needed to go to the dealer, and in the first year, that was often. If memory serves me correctly, that wonderful car was towed to Bangor at least 3 times for different things, thank god all under warranty. It was much easier to frequent the dealership in Falmouth once I moved south in 2002, and I did just that. I'll never forget the day I was washing the dishes in my old apartment in New Gloucester during an ice storm when I heard a very large tree branch snap and then hit metal. I remember the panic that came over me as I realized that it could very well be the sound of a large branch hitting my car. Oh, I was right. I giant portion of the tree that stood over the driveway landed on the roof of my car, creating many a dent and pushing my sunroof into the car, amazingly not breaking the glass. For that I got an increased auto insurance policy and I drove around a Toyota Camry for about a month.

Now, for all the bitching I just did, and believe me, I've bitched about that car for 9 years, I have to admit that I got a little emotional last night as I cleaned it up, and again this morning as I washed it for its potential sale this evening. I've had that car in my life longer than both Kerrigan and Nichole. It's seen many moves, lots of trips up and down the Interstate and a couple of tickets. Despite all the complaining she has been a pretty good car. Hell, most everything on it is new at this point, and it's only had about 2,000 miles put on it in the past 3 years. After driving it to the gas station last night I had a few thoughts about keeping it after all. But alas, the Jetta is up for sale. It's been sitting in our driveway, unused, for long enough. It's running like a champ and is going for cheap, so bring your cash and take good care of my baby. Sniffle. I'm just saying...

I promised myself I would let it go, but I can't...

Last night, President Obama had a nationally televised address to announce that we were ending our combat mission in Iraq. The process of bringing our troops home to their families has begun. The violence is not over, but we have done all we can to assist the Iraq government, and it's time to come home. This is a promise Obama made during his campaign in 2008, and he is making it happen. Life is good, right? Well, that depends on who you ask.

As I typically do, I've read a variety of stories, and watched a few different news shows, and yes, I watched Fox News to get the "unbiased" information too. Some people are celebrating the move, others are finding reasons to use the move against the president. Somebody please help me with something, I'm failing to find anything negative here. How, after losing nearly 5,000 brave men and women over the past 7 years, can we say anything negative about ending the combat mission in Iraq? Do we want to continue to have more people injured, we are already over 31,500 soldiers that have been injured? Someone, please straighten me out, clearly I'm missing the point.

He are my thoughts. Obama can't do anything right in some people's eyes. If he does what everybody wants, he should have done it sooner. In this case, he is bringing troops home, where they can be reunited with their families, but that isn't good enough because the VA's aren't properly staffed and the conditions aren't good enough. But the conditions in Iraq were pristine? If we properly staff the VA hospitals will that be another case of the government trying to get bigger and take over our lives? Should Obama have forgotten about his campaign promise, one that helped him get elected in the first place?

On a day that we should be celebrating the great work done by our courageous troops, as well as the decision to bring them home, we are tossing verbal jabs around as if somebody made a joke about someones momma. The truth of the matter is this, we, as a nation, cannot thank our troops enough for all they have done. They fight, literally, every day to keep us safe, and there are not enough thanks to go around. Now, as a nation, we need to come together and stop all the idiotic rhetoric about birth certificates, socialism, communism, Marxism and any other -isms that are being tossed around. We need to move beyond fighting about skin color, religious beliefs and sexual preference and work together to make this country a better place. I'm just saying...