Are you getting tired of the squabbling between Republicans and Democrats? Do you, like me, think that the Tea Party gang are a bunch of loons? Would you like to see things different in Washington? Well have I got something for you. Come join me and my newly created Keg Party! We aren't going to make signs comparing Obama to Hitler, that is just dumb. We aren't going to have rallies led by Glenn Beck asking to restore religion, that is something that should be left to each individual to decide. We aren't going to deny everything that isn't our idea, and when we say we are speaking for the majority, we will actually talk TO the majority of people, not just talk FOR them.
So, why is it called the Keg Party you ask. Simple. We will be meeting in pubs, pool halls and at parties. We will be hanging out with common, everyday American citizens across this fine country. No more town halls or rolling rallies. I want us to come together for a common goal, in our favorite environment, enjoying our favorite past time, drinking beer. I understand that there is a fundamental difference in views between Republicans and Democrats, but there is something we can all agree on, and that is moving this country forward to becoming the powerhouse it should be. We want jobs for everyone, health insurance that is affordable, housing that won't break us and a good future for our children. It doesn't matter what side of the political spectrum you are on, these are basic desires by all. Granted, most people see different ways of getting there, but we at the Keg Party will work with all Americans to figure out how to make this possible.
We will be meeting every day, at happy hour, at your local watering hole. You don't need to bring signs or wear goofy Statue of Liberty costumes. We are all patriotic, we all believe the United States of America to be the greatest country in the land, or we wouldn't be here. You don't need to bring a megaphone, we won't be burning copies of any holy book, and we want nothing to do with Sarah Palin. What we will be doing is drinking beer, be it good or bad beer, and discussing, civilly, the best way to move forward, as a cohesive unit. If you want to wear one of those funny beer helmets, that will be acceptable. Shots of Jaeger can be consumed at the bartender's discretion.
The Keg Party concept will be sweeping the nation quickly, so now is the time to get on board. Be one of the founding members of this great organization. I look forward to seeing you all out, drinking beer, making friends and having a good time. Remember, it's important to keep in mind that we are a peaceful, fun loving group. We don't want radical lunatics like Glenn Beck in our midst, so if someone gets boisterous, feel free to toss them out on their ass, they are unwanted. The Keg Party will drink beer, work together, and make this nation the best damn place in the world. I'm just saying...