Monday, August 3, 2009

Washington DC, where I learned you can never trust a fart...

I'm going to start out this blog by saying this is a little embarrassing for me. I'm also going to apologize for not having brought my camera with me, as pictures would have made this story better. All that being said, I went to Washington D.C. with Nichole and Kerrigan this weekend to do a whirlwind tour of our nation's capital. We visited the Air and Space Museum, the National Zoo and the Natural History Museum. We went to the Lincoln Memorial, White House and the World War II Memorial as well. The only problem with the weekend was my violent stomach cramps, sometimes actually forcing me to sit down and hold my breath, and my frequent trips to the many lavatories of the D.C. area. The following is a list of the top 8 facilities I visited, and why they rank where they do.

8. Lincoln Memorial - This was by far the worst. We got there late in the day, and you could tell. Not only was the smell horrible, but it was a complete mess in there. Tried to avoid it, but couldn't.

7. Air & Space Museum - Not so good, mainly because of how bad I had to go, and the length of the line. Listening to the kids screaming didn't help.

6. Baltimore Airport - Considering how quiet the airport was, you would have thought one of the 75 or so employees could have at least gone in there, sprayed some cologne and picked up all the damn toilet paper on the floor. I mean, that isn't asking to much. And who tries to burn a toilet seat? I mean, that is just weird.

5. D.C. Zoo - This wasn't too bad the first 4 times I went, mainly because we got there early and it was before all the little kids and blind old men started pissing all over the seat. As the visit at the zoo went along, I was getting closer to jumping in the lions den and using the bushes.

4. Natural History Museum - This one wasn't too bad. This was at the height of my horrible stomach cramps, and it wasn't as awful as I thought it might be. There were a lot of kids running and screaming around this place, so I assumed it would have been a pigpen. Not too bad, which is good, since I went about 4 times here.

3. Southside Restaurant - Spent dinner here on Thursday night, when all my fun times started. Not the cleanest place, but for some reason, the ashtray attached to the wall was interesting to me. Any place I can rip butts (which I don't do mind you) while stinking up the joint is kinda funny to me.

2. Aunt Dawn's place - Very clean and comfortable, and thank god, since I spent a lot of time in there. I went on average 10 times each morning before leaving the house, and probably 8 times each night before going to bed. Never a line, never a mess, can't beat that.

1. Cafe Luna - We had lunch here on Saturday. At this point I hadn't really eaten in about 24 hours, and the grilled cheese and bacon was incredible. I had a little dinner the night before, but struggled through it. This bathroom had all sorts of interesting quotes on the walls, and lots to look at while I sat there helplessly. It was also kind of funny to me to have a growing line waiting outside as I dirtied the air a little. I find humor in that, is that wrong of me?!

As you can see, it was a very interesting weekend for me. I saw the inside of more bathrooms in one weekend then I typically see in a month. The good news is I am feeling much better this morning. I guess it was also nice to lose 5 pounds over the weekend. If any of you find yourself in Washington D.C., battling a stomach virus, now you know which restrooms to visit while there, I'm just saying...