Tuesday, August 4, 2009

A few things I need some help with...

After the incredible response from yesterday's post, I wanted to follow up with a few questions for all of you regarding things that take place in a bathroom. Now before you get all weirded out and close the page, or think you should move on to something else to waste your time while you should be working (psst, it's OK, I should be working now too...), this isn't going there. Give me your thoughts on the following...

How is there always urine on the toilet seat? Whether it is up or down, it always has a ton of piss on it. How does this happen?! I'm convinced that I always follow the five year old that doesn't have the whole "get it in the bowl" process down yet, and just dances while he pisses. My other theory is that I typically follow the blind man that stands there and sways until he hears a splashing sound.

Why does the party stall (the handicap stall, given that name because it is big enough to host a small party) always have a ton of toilet paper on the floor? Do people get that bored while they are leaving stink that they find it necessary to shred an entire roll of paper on the floor?

Does everyone but me bring either a sharpie or a knife to the bathroom with them so they can carve who they love or tell me about the man from Nantucket? Even my work bathroom says "for a good time, call your mom, I did!" What is wrong with this world!

Lastly, and seriously, who the hell burns a toilet seat? Do you do that while you are sitting there? Call me crazy, you can even call me a wuss, but I'm not sparking up a lighter right next to my twig and berries, just to see if the plastic toilet seat I am sitting on will melt. This seems ridiculous to me.

Am I alone with these thoughts?! Regardless of what I am going into the bathroom for, I am not planning on hanging out any longer than I need to. In and out. I'm not stopping to write stories about well endowed men from a small New England town, or pretend I'm a hamster and shred paper, or see if I can find a new target other than water, or even try to weld the toilet seat to the bowl. If anyone has run into these problems, or others, I would love to hear from you, I'm just saying.