Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Is it just me, or does that seem a bit strange?!

Yesterday was a long day. Got up at 4:30 to snowblow the drive way, which after two hours, was only about a third done. Ran back into the dark house (lost power some time around 2 AM) to grab some gym clothes and rally Nichole and got out the door. Planned to shower at the YMCA in New Gloucester. Unfortunately, no power there either. Next to the YMCA in Freeport. Oh, what's that, no power there either, cool! Drove thru Dunkin Donuts for a quick coffee and down to Portland to Planet Fitness. I worked out while Nichole got cleaned up and ready for work. I previously called out of work sick, as I had a ton of crap I needed to get done. Dropped Nichole off and headed back home to finish snowblowing.

Once home I could not get the snowblower to work. Good, was hoping that would happen. Engine ran fine, just couldn't get the auger to do a god damn thing. Sweet! Went inside and did some paperwork and filing in our newly arranged office. This was good, as it was out of control, but was limited as we were still without power. Around 1 I decided I should head to the YMCA in New Gloucester to double check to see if it was open yet so that I could get a shower in. Still no. Just as before, I next went to the Freeport YMCA to attempt showering. It was open, sweet! I checked in, grabbed a towel and headed to the locker room. Now, I'm not one to saunter around the locker room with my manhood just hanging around, if you know what I mean. I typically will head to the shower with my shorts on, clean up, then head out of the shower with my clean underoos on. That being said, I prepped myself for my trip to the shower, only to round the corner and see some old dude, cock out, standing in the open shower area. Fuck that, I instantly turned around and left.

Now I ask this, is that open shower concept normal, or am I strange?! I'm not big on cleaning my ass and balls in front of someone else, even if they are not paying attention. Is it that much more expensive to put up some shitty walls to give a person their own personal showering experience?! I'm just saying...

Friday, February 20, 2009

Want vs. need...

I found out recently that a good friend has sworn off drinking alcohol. I'm not sure how long he intends to do this for, or why he would even want to do this in the first place. I give him major credit, I'm not sure I could ever do the same. He is a much better person than I, as I would fail a day into it. However, this did get me thinking. Could I give up beer?! I mean, if I had to, could I really go without it?

I'm not sure I could to be honest with you. I wouldn't say it's because I am a functioning alcoholic, or dependent on booze. I just really enjoy the hell out of how it tastes. There is nothing better after a long day of work than a frosty cold Prelude in the winter. I'm not sure I could operate a grill properly in the summer without a perspiring tall can of PBR in my hand. I couldn't eat at GLB without getting my favorite Dogfish Head 60 Minute IPA.

My waistline would appreciate a break, but I say to hell with you waistline, booze and I are good friends and he is here to stay!

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Ideas for fun in the sun, if and when it ever comes...

With summer slowly approaching, it is time to start making plans to do as much as possible outdoors while the weather is good. I've been searching all over New England to find some cool, out of the ordinary, fun things to do. Ben & Jerry's in Waterbury, VT is a must. Hampton Beach in NH is a fun, cheesy spot to see almost anything. Whitewater rafting down the Penobscot or Kennebec Rivers is more than fun, it's a right of passage. Heading down to Fenway Park in Boston never gets old, especially watching the Red Sox take on the hated Yankees (which we have tickets to btw!!). This year though, there is one thing I am looking forward to more than any of the previously mentioned activities...

The Clam Box in Ipswich Mass. I mean, come on, with a name like that, you have to at least check it out, right? They claim to have a less greasy clam and a less messy box. I mean, that sounds good, right?! A clean, ungreasy clam box sounds pretty appealing to me, and I don't even like seafood!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Could Punxsutawny Phil have been wrong?

The date, February 2nd, 2009

The place, Gobbler's Nob

Punxsutawny Phil sees his god damn shadow, which can only mean one thing... Six more weeks of winter!

However, looking outside it would appear as though Spring is already here. Actually going outside seems even more Spring-like, as snow is melting and temps are rising. It sort of reminds me of when you would first get Spring fever back in college and skip a couple of days worth of classes to do anything outside. Usually, for us, it was sports related, like playing some basketball on the outdoor courts or maybe going for a hike. Now, I'm not sure we are there yet, in fact, I would bet that we aren't, but here are some signs that we are getting closer...

Pitchers and catchers start today in Major League Baseball. I know it won't happen, but maybe this will take the conversation away from steroids, and get people talking about the actual game!

Maine High School basketball tournament is underway. This was always the first sign of Spring for me, as Bangor always had less snow than us County folk, so it at least seemed like Spring was on the way. I'm hoping to catch a few games this year, especially if the Fort Fairfield boys or girls advance. Both are well positioned for a long run this year!

The annual flow of water into our basement. We have, somewhere in the wall/chimney, a crack that allows just a small amount of water to pass through at a time. When we have a lot of rain or snow melt, we take on some water in the basement. This hasn't happened yet, but I feel like it is going to happen soon if this weather keeps up.

All this being said, we have snow forecasted for next Thursday through Saturday, never mind, Punxsutawny Phil was right!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

I brew, do you drink?

As we inch closer to spring, I am getting the itch to brew up some new beer. I keep picturing sitting around a fire pit sipping some fine Back Cove Brewing Co. beers with friends. The only problem right now is what kind of beer are we all sipping?! As usual, I have it narrowed down, and need your help. I'm thinking I want to have a couple of choices ready for the warmer weather, so I offer you these options. Please give me your feedback...

White Ale - something similar to Allagash White. Something light and cloudy, with a citrusy hint to it.

Pale Ale - My last brew was intended to be an strong IPA, but came out very PA. Really enjoyed it, and would compare it to Gritty's Pub Style.

IPA - I have a Dogfish Head 60 Minute IPA knock off recipe, and seeing that this is one of my favorite beers, I would love to copy it! Plus I will be talking to Sam Calgionne, owner of Dogfish, soon about seeing if I can get a copy of the 90 Minute IPA recipe. See what happens!

Wheat Ale - I always toss this one in around summer time. A good wheat is great in the summer time. There is always the option of copying Sea Dog BluePaw or Pete's Wicked Strawberry Wheat. These are great summer beers, and fun to try to copy.

Porter - Never made one, and would love to try it sometime. May be better suited for a fall or winter brew.

______ - Write in candidate. If you have something else you would like to try, let me know.

Everyone should vote for 2. Most votes wins! Stay tuned for results, as I will be posting this on Facebook and MySpace too...

Friday, February 6, 2009

How do you say Hello in dog?

I bring our dog, Yawkey, into the office with me several times a week. The past couple of weeks there has been another little dog here named Tucker. These two are totally gay for each other. Keep in mind, I am cool with that, you do your thing. This, however is just plain wrong. They are constantly licking each others private regions, trying to hump one another in the face, and all sorts of ass sniffing. Now, this seems fairly normal for dogs, at least when they are younger. My question is this, could I get away with that? If someone new entered the room and I shoved my head into their ass and took a big sniff, would that be acceptable? If we had a couple over to the house for dinner on a Saturday night, would me dry humping one of their legs be cool? I'm guessing not. But why? Why can man's best friend get away with it, but not man? I think from now on my introduction to people will be a quick lick on the neck followed by a nose in their ass. It's cute when a puppy does it, should be when I do it, I'm just saying...

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Can they really still be called the New Kids on the Block?

So it has been brought to my attention recently that the New Kids on the Block are bringing the reunion tour to the Cumberland County Civic Center on March 25th, and a group of ladies, that shall remain nameless, are planning on being in attendance. One can only assume that Danny Wood or Jonathan Knight is running short on cash, right? I mean, Donnie Wahlberg is doing alright, Jordan Knight and Joey McIntyre had comebacks not to long ago, so they should be fine, right? The only other logical reason I can come up with is that they need an ego stroking. It's been a while since the ladies were all screaming their names as they danced around in their ripped jeans begging "Please Don't Go Girl".

Now that we have an idea of why they are coming back, the only question remaining is why are people going to see them? When they first hit the scene I was in fifth grade. I vividly remember this because I was actually a fan of them. As you can well imagine, I took a LOT of crap for this, but let me give you my reasons. The chicks loved them. They loved the idea that I was into something they were in to. Therefore, I was always hanging out with chicks! While my guy friends gave me crap, I was spending all kinds of time with the lovely ladies of the fifth grade. In the end, I was brilliant! Sorry, got a little distracted with my thoughts of yesteryear. The real question is this, why would a bunch of late 20, early 30 year old ladies want to go see the New Kids on the Block? I really don't know, but if I am smart, I will go with them!

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

That's how I roll!

4 weeks into the season and the Urban Achievers are working our way to the top of the Power Rankings. We are sitting alone atop our division, having squeaked out a win against 3 Livers last evening. Here we are, the newcomers. Nobody really knows much about the mysterious Turd Ferguson, or the whiley Manute Bowl, or the punishing Moose Knuckles, or the surprisingly dominating Pinky, or the rising star Dink Fingers, or the captain Jay Hammer. We are a sneaky bunch. Unassuming, quiet assassins! Watch out, we are coming for you!

Check us out at www.bowlportland.com.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

When is it too early to start drinking?

Have you ever had one of those days where you don't care what time it is, you are in desperate need of an alcoholic beverage of some kind? Sadly, this has been the case way too often lately. The good news is, I have not been giving in to that urge! But it does bring up a few questions though. When is it too early to start drinking, and where would you go when it is time for that delicious beverage? I see it like this...

7:30 AM - Rusky's - White Russian. Popular spot for hospital employees getting done the midnight shift. Decent breakfast, and a tastey Caucasian. Might be a little early for some for a drink, and the place is a little shady, but it works

9:00 AM - Bubba's Sulky Lounge - Allen's Coffee Brandy and milk. Popular spot for homeless and degenerates pretty much any time of day. Waitstaff are nice, and there is more than enough to look at on the walls and ceilings. Place is actually kind of creepy. Not sure which is worse, the patrons or the animals on the walls out back.

12:00 PM - Bull Feeney's - Guinness. Not a bad spot. Food is good, waitstaff and bartenders are great. Owner is a bit of a douchebag, so that could be a major drawback. Actually, let's put it this way, if you see a really tall, balding, goofy looking dude (not me, I know what you are all thinking, this dude is really tall), he is probably the owner, and you should just leave. He will most likely try to fight with you about something and then kick you out for life. He only does this to make himself feel better since he isn't allowed in most of the bars in town due to his douchebaggery. Best bet, drink your Guinness fast and then get the fuck out!

2:00 PM - RiRa - Guinness again. Another good Irish spot. Food is good, and my sister works there, so why not go! You can check out Tejon (our old badger friend) and usually there is a soccer game on the tele. Trivia night on Tuesday nights is a good way to win some schwag and the usual bands are playing, so well worth a visit. Best spinach dip in town (Nichole and I are slightly obsessed!).

4:30 PM - Shay's - Dogfishhead 90 IPA. My favorite beer at my favorite restaurant in town. Food is good, beer is great, and it is just a tiny little spot in the center of town. Good specials all week long. Parking typically sucks, but then again, it does throughout Portland.

7:00 PM - Gritty's - Pub Style. Decent beer, and a good food selection, make this a fine dinner time spot. Seems to fill up as the night goes along, but the picnic style tables make conversing with friends fun, unless of course you don't want to talk to them, in which case just order thier Scottish Ale by the pitcher, you will be drunk before you know it!

9:00 PM - Novare Res - too many to choose from. Hands down my favorite bar in town. Nothing negative to say about it, except that I am spending as much here in a year as my yearly college tuition was(good thing I went to UMPI!).

11:30 PM - Commercial St Pub - Budweiser. Seriously the scariest place I have ever been! I actually throw up in my mouth everytime I drive or walk by this place. Quick story... One morning (this place is packed early!) I was here with some buddies and this frightening lady was sitting across the room in a bar stool. She was sitting there by herself watching Sportscenter like the rest of us. I looked over at her just in time to make eye contact with her before she turned her seat toward me, spread her legs Sharon Stone style and flashed me the beaver. Wow, I just dry heaved writing that! Damnit, I should have never brought that up, nightmares are in my future this evening!

6:00 AM - Matthew's - PBR. Possibly the second scariest place in town. Opens early for true alcoholics. Never actually been, which I don't think is a bad thing. Guess that means that I am not a true alcoholic?!

So, depending on what crowd you are looking to hang out with, there are many options! And it is never too early to start!!!

Monday, February 2, 2009

Making money in a down economy...

Unless you live under a rock you may have heard that our economy has gone to crap. It's kind of a mirror image to the career of Britney Spears. Hopefully that means things will turn around and look hot again! Umm... What I meant to say was hopefully things turn around and are prosperous again. Yeah, that's it. Anyways, days like this make me ponder the best was to survive financially when more and more people are hitting the unemployment line every day. The following are my thoughts on what you should and should not do in a down economy.

Do - Find a second job. These won't always pay a ton, but a little extra scratch will at least pay for the weed you are going to need to destress yourself with come the weekend.

Don't - Assume you are untouchable at your current place of employment. If there is one thing I have learned, employers can be shady. They often pick the random jackass to be their pet (the real untouchable one) while the rest of the employees are f'ed in the a. Moral of the story, be a brown noser! It may be against everything you believe in, but it is a must.

Do - Call yourself a consultant. Trust me on this one. It works! You can charge a bunch of money to do a specialized task for someone who either doesn't have the time or complete knowledge of the subject. It is a win/win situation!

Don't - Try to start your own business without fully knowing what the hell you are doing. If you don't know how to make a Mojito you have no business opening up a Cuban bar. If you can't stand animals, you shouldn't even consider opening a doggie day care. I think you get the idea.

Do - Sell all your unused shit on the web. Why not, you aren't using it. People are looking for cheaper alternatives, so why not take advantage. Places like Craigslist and Uncle Henry's are great local spots to do such a thing.

Don't - Try to jump into a saturated market. You are going to want to do something different, something not readily available already. No need to reinvent the wheel. Be creative you unoriginal bastard. Otherwise you will be crashing harder than James Dean in his Porsche.

Hope my words of wisdom catapult you into much money making success!