I'm blind, like really blind. I couldn't read what I am writing right now if I didn't have my contact lenses in. That being said, if I wear my contacts for too long, things start to break down and they become more of a pain than anything else. During my last visit to the eye doctor, about 2 years ago, I was ridiculed by my doctor for wearing my contacts too long. He prescribed me a new type of contact and asked that I start using a new type of solution, which should combine to help keep my eyes from drying out so quickly. See, not only am I blind, but I am also allergic to my own damn dog! Not just my dog, but long hair dogs in general. So not only does our poor dog give me a touch of what I have coined the "Yawkey Eye", but so do my sister's dog Charlie and my in-laws dog Brody. It's not that big of a deal, I just get a really dry, scratchy eyes. Anyways, when the doctor gave me the new contacts to use, he reminded me several times that they are intended to be used for two weeks only, anything after that is pushing it.
Fast forward to today, almost two years to the day since I visited my old eye doctor down on Middle Street in Portland. I strolled into my new optometrists office in South Portland and informed them that my eyes have been really tired lately and that my contacts are "kinda old". How old they ask. Well, let's just say I bought a two months supply nearly two years ago, and leave it at that. Well, any potential sympathy for me went flying out the proverbial window (the office is in the middle of the Maine Mall), and I was instantly being ridiculed by a new doctor.
I went through the usual array of tests, including this thing they do where they shoot air into your eye as part of some glaucoma test. Talk about nearly jumping out of your seat, this scared the holy hell out of me! After about 10 minutes of looking in all directions and trying to read the fine print on a wall across the tiny office, the doctor popped a new pair of contacts into my eyes and like a miracle (think Moses parting the Red Sea or the 1980 US Olympic hockey team) I could see again, and it didn't hurt! It's so exciting to have a fresh pair of contacts in again!
After this was all done, Nichole and I went next door to pick out a pair of glasses. Now, those of you who know me pretty well know that I have a bit of a crooked head. It's not so much that my head is crooked, but more like my ears aren't level or something. Glasses don't look quite right on me. I have never liked the way glasses feel on me, or look on me. I don't even wear sunglasses. I have a big, hairy melon (hairy face, big melon), and I just can't seem to find a pair of spectacles that look good on me, in my opinion. Thus the reason my beautiful wife came along. I figure I should have a pair of glasses to wear around the house, give my contacts a break at night and on the weekends. Don't really intend to wear them out of the house, but they should at least be something Nichole isn't going to completely make fun of me for, therefore she helps by picking them out for me! Well, let's just say that we left LensCrafters empty handed, but did have one pair in mind that we may go back for after the holidays. Here's hoping Santa brings me a pair of level ears this year. I'm just saying...