Friday, December 11, 2009

Everyone else is doing it, why can't I?!

The end of a year typically finds us reading lots of top 10 lists. Music, sports, news stories, influential people. They are all over the place this time of year. Add to that the end of the "double 0's", my name for the last decade, and you can't visit a website without some sort of list. Well, here is the first of several I will put together. I'll try to touch on a variety of subjects over the next week or so, try to tickle everyone's fancy, so to speak, covering both the past year, as well as the last 10 years.

Top 10 Most Annoying People of 2009

10. Richard Heene - That balloon making douchebag that did his best to trick us all into believing his son was inside it, when he was really hiding in the garage. Publicity stunt making dumbass. Jail time and fines in his future...

9. Brett Favre - New quarterback for the Minnesota Vikings. Having a damn good season, but for Christ's sake Favre, make a decision and stick with it, this flip flopping every year is played out already.

8. Tim McCarver and Joe Buck (tie) - This duo would climb into bed with pretty much every New York Yankee if given the chance. Don't even get me started on how annoying their collective man crush on Derek Jeter is. I'd rather listen to "I Believe" by Cher on repeat than listen to another Yankee game broadcast by these two fools on Fox.

7. Republican Congressman Joe Wilson - This dimwit shouts out "LIAR" during a presidential address to Congress. Democrat, Republican, man or woman, that shit ain't right. I don't care if you whole heartedly disagree with what the president is saying to you, have some god damned respect for the commander in chief. I would have bitch slapped that jackass pretty darn quick!

6. The Geico cavemen - We get it, you don't like be likened to a caveman. Well, here's a thought, shave your damn face Captain Caveman! Get rid of the unibrow and chop through that beard. Besides, we aren't mocking you, everyone loves primitive dudes that spear their dinner with sharp sticks and cooks on an open flame. It's cool, trust me...

5. Sarah Palin / Levi Johnston - Levi is trying to make a buck off Palin's VP run. Palin is trying to make money off her VP run. Nobody wants to see Levi naked. Not sure why Playgirl thought that was a good idea. Nobody wants to read Palin's book. I'm not even sure she can read her book. And she is charging to get your picture taken with her during her book tour. What a train wreck that whole thing is.

4. Miley Cyrus - My daughter loves you. She told me the other day that if she could cook dinner for one famous person in the world it would be you. You are cute, talented and making cash hand over fist (unlike your daddy). My problem is this, I don't want "Party in the USA" in my freaking head anymore!

3. Jon and Kate Gosselin - The world was a much better place before TLC put you two idiots on television. You ruined your marriage. You may have screwed your kids up for life. And for what, and why?! You aren't funny. You aren't pretty. You aren't even cool. Thank you TLC for finally pulling this crap off the air!

2. Glenn Beck - GO AWAY! The Fox News wingnut needs to be put on timeout. You want to sell books. Cool. Now go hide somewhere. We will come find you when we care about you again...

1. Kanye West - Two words... Whack Job. Even before he took center stage away from Taylor Swift he would have been number one. That just cemented his place as King Douchebag for years to come. I wish we could send you, Glenn Beck and the Gosselins to the Island of Misfit Toys and rename it to the Island of Unwanted Numb Nuts. Santa, can you hook me up? I'm just saying...