Tuesday, April 12, 2011

In case of an emergency, put on your pants...

It was about 11:15 last night.  We were sitting up, watching The Daily Show, when all of a sudden we hear a loud knocking sound coming from the dining room area of the house, and Yawkey, our chocolate lab, goes crazy.  Nichole and I both freeze, curious what the hell just happened.  Was it a knock at the door?  At this time of night, who the hell could it be?  Could it have been the cat, who is a complete tool, and probably just knocked something over?  Always a possibility.  Fortunately, I have my contacts in still, so I can actually see what I'm getting myself into.  So, how did we react to a potential intruder? 

My first thought was not great, but I went ahead and did it anyways.  I nervously yell out "HELLO?!", thinking that if someone was in the house, the sound of a voice might scare them off?!  Is that the best way to scare off someone, absolutely not, but it was the first thing I thought of, so back off!  Plus, I was in bed, in my underwear, so I wasn't really ready to just run out and see what may or may not be there.  I needed to put my pants on first, because I'm the guy that thinks of pants at a time like that.  You never know what might happen, and I want to have pants on, just in case.  I'm not about to defend the wife and I, if that needs to be the case, in my boxer shorts.  Once I was properly dressed I followed the dog out to the kitchen.  Yawkey is still barking like crazy and staring at the main entrance to the house.  What the heck just happened?!

As we enter the kitchen, we see nothing to suggest someone was in the house.  The doors are all locked and the motion lights outside are still off.  Our guard dog is still sensing something, but his barks have greatly backed off.  I flip on all the outside lights to see if I can see anything, and there is nothing in the back, front or side yards.  I did happen to notice a garbage barrel that we have filled with kindling had been knocked over in the back yard.  I'm not sure, at this point, if that had been done by Yawkey earlier in the evening or if that was the sound we heard.  Our yard is still quite wet, so I think we would have seen foot prints if it were a human or large animal.  Next I head down to the basement to check around down there.  Again, nothing seems out of place.  Perhaps it was just our crazy kitten after all?!

Well, I head back upstairs and to the bedroom.  Nichole has finally come out from behind the dresser in our room, where she has been hiding for about 15 minutes now.  See, her master plan in case of an emergency is to jump out of our bathroom window and run away.  As I'm making my way into the bedroom, I see her putting a giant knife, basically a meat cleaver, under the mattress on her side of the bed.  Her thought was, if something is coming after her, she'll chop their arm off and then jump out the bathroom window?!  I'm chuckling at this as I make it over to my side of the bed, only to find the rest of our knives, still in the block, sitting on the floor right next to where I sleep.  I usually have a baseball bat nearby, just in case, but now I am really prepared, I guess.

We sat in the bedroom, with the door open, for about 15 more minutes, until we decided we either heard something that wasn't there, or it was just the cat.  I strip the sweatpants back off and pop out my contacts and fall fast asleep.  We never heard anything more, and Yawkey didn't seem to be worried any more.  Whatever it was, everything turned out fine.  Before I know it, the alarm is going off in my ear, just above about a dozen knives, which caught me off guard when I woke up!  We may want to look into something different for the future, like that bow and arrow I've been asking for!  I'm just saying...