With Spring on its way, at least according to the calendar, I have a few things dancing around in my brain that I have never fully understood. Any chance you, my faithful readers, can help me with these brain busters? I would surely appreciate it. Just ask the wife, I lay up at night thinking about these things, and many others, causing her to have sleepless nights as well. In fact, she may want these queries answered more than I do. Here we go...
When a road needs patching, why do crews just lay the asphalt on top of the pothole? They don't pack it down, I'm sure, in hopes that vehicles will help seal up the hole, but does that ever actually work? I mean, all the fresh asphalt ends up on our cars and around the pothole, not actually in it. Is it just me, or is this not only a complete waste of time, but a waste of tax payer dollars? Seriously, this seems like a complete waste of time and money. I mean, don't construction crews have a bridge they can all watch someone else work on?
April snow storms. I mean, I know we live in Maine, but give me a damn break! Mother Nature is dropping a heavy, wet white dump on us today. Just when we could see almost all of our lawn too. Now the driveway, which was already a bit of a mess, will get torn up more from the snowplow (through no fault of our great plow guy, it's just the nature of the beast), and we have more melting to worry about in the low spots in our yard. If I can find a positive side to this, I guess it would be that the office is closed?! Of course, that would be good if I had known before I showed up to a pitch black 4th floor. Oh well, good chance to get some things done while I crank out the tunes.
Speaking of this big old snow storm, how does a meteorologist get licensed? I mean, really, they are hardly ever right, and most of the time the are simply hedging their bets. "Today will be partly sunny" or "partly cloudy". No kidding, every day could be partly cloudy or sunny. And while I'm on the subject, the two are the same, you aren't fooling us! If I was wrong as often as they are, I would be spending half of my day waiting in line at the soup kitchen. No offense to any of you weather "predictors" out there, but come on, what a sweet gig.
April Fool's Day?! How the heck did that start? Don't get me wrong, I've had fun with it over the years, but I don't really understand the point of it. Is it necessary to purposely mess with people? Do we really need a specific day for that? It's a lot more fun when you just do it any time of year, people don't come to expect it as much.
If salt is good to put on snow to help it melt, and so is cat litter, could we just put cat litter on our food for extra flavor? Also, if salt has that effect on snow, what is it doing in our stomachs? I'm not suggesting putting used cat litter on our food, that is a little too much extra flavor, and the dog would be begging way too much then. I have, for the most part, removed salt and sugar from my diet, and I've been feeling great, so maybe there is a connection between melting snow and some weird chemical reaction in my stomach?! All I know is that I'm not leaning toward sprinkling a dash of Tidy Cat on my pizza any time soon!
Why do cats always have to lay on something? For example, we put our unlooked (that's a word, right?!) at mail in a pile on the kitchen table, until we have a chance to go through it. The cats will only lay on the pile of mail?! Why? The pile covers maybe 2% of the table. One of our cats, laying down, takes up maybe 15% of the table. Why do they have to lay on the mail? Seems to me they would want to lay on the smoother service, but no. Then, undoubtedly, one of our fat, lazy cats will knock the aforementioned pile of mail on to the floor, leaving us with a mess to pick up when we get home. I know the answer to our problem is to not leave the mail there, I know. But, why do cats, because it's not just our cats that do this, find this necessary?
I know I could probably use my waking hours more constructively, but these are the sorts of things that keep me up at night. Someone, anyone, please help! I'm just saying...
About Me
- Mark
- I've always wondered if people actually read this stuff. I never do when I'm on other pages. Well, in case, for some strange reason, you find it necessary, I'll give you a little knowledge. I was born in The County. For those of you who don't konw better, that would be Aroostook County. For those of you who do, your jokes won't work on me, they are lame. I'm the son of an investment banker that squandered his every penny on tuna fish sandwiches in the late 80's, and my mother was the lead singer for the Bangles. Neither of those is true, but again, I'm convinced nobody is reading this anyways. I met my wife at a carnival, and we were married by the bearded lady in front of the entire clown brigade. I have a daughter who is training for the 2012 Olympics where she will compete in the Triple Jump and Javelin. We live in a nice little shanty in the woods and are hoping to one day have running water. Any questions?
